Reminiscing of childhood memories, I can only recall frames and fragments of a buoyant hue. Such moments in time have been ingrained in such a manner, that when I remember them, I feel happiness and comfort. I believe a large part of this is because of the pleasant and nurturing environment and of the goodness in the people around me growing up. Together with my inherent makeup, this has molded me into what I have become. Yet, both continue to become more complex over time. As time passes, changes and influences can transform, and sometimes contamination is just inevitable. As more light is shed, one begins to see the intricacies, which are not always as innocent or pleasant.
The elaborateness of the world comes more into view and the eyes, now keener, weep from the depressing sight. And the self becomes more vulnerable to its own tendencies, as buried traits and reactions are called forth by deeper-piercing stimuli. One begins to realize that decisions and actions are not always right or wrong. Gray areas, where the distinction is blurred and direction invisible, can leave one utterly lost. And in times of need and desperation, most others will not help. And those that can, may not be able to do so because only the self can in certain situations. There is a constant tug of war for power. Money is a food and a poison. There are only a few good people. Or rather, perhaps people are only good to a select some. And again, goodness is subjective.
What is the purpose in life? Can a sense of fulfillment ever be reached? Is it all just about survival? Has the artificial world made a Frankenstein of what life should have been? Is it okay to follow instinct? Is the determination that someone is crazy a result of the inability to empathize with that individual? Does the majority opinion decide, or can minorities, anomalies, and mutations have a basis? Is there a God guiding us? Or is life really just random, and destiny probably a fantasy? Is direction and reaching destinations likely influenced by our acts, and likely not by divine intervention taking us there? Is it a battle between an unmerciful world and self-preservation? Or is the world unmerciful because you did not or were not compelled to protect yourself? Will problems and conflict always be sought and conjured in every environment/adjustment, or is peace actually possible? Do wounds gradually kill love, or does love heal any wound?
These thoughts, among a sea of others clouded my mind as the sun set into the horizon. The rise of the moon would bring forth another sky, taking me to another world. The morning will come again; the sun and its sky will return. And like a pendulum that cannot be stopped out of its own accord, I shall repeat my cycle.
Saturday, March 01, 2014