Odyssey | noun | od•ys•sey | \ ˈä-də-sē \
1 : a long wandering or voyage usually marked by many changes of fortune
2 : an intellectual or spiritual wandering or quest
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Friday, September 18, 2020


Friday, September 18, 2020

Stress has been getting the better of me lately.  It preoccupies my mind, day and night, even while I work.  And when I am able to sleep, it sometimes infiltrates my dreams.  It has disrupted my routine, day-to-day life, and positive momentum.  Essentially, it has placed pressure on all parts of my existence, that it is gradually pulling me into a vacuum; imploding me into a black hole of insanity, unless provoked into a raging supernova.  Neither of which I desire, but I am here on the cusp, though every passing day I am hoping for a return to stability and normalcy.

I have been biking long lengths (to no specific destination), even once reaching Batangas from Manila, and also exercising daily, sometimes punching a bag I filled with sand and rocks in order to vent; hoping that exhaustion will dissipate the unsettling thoughts.  But it hasn't, and the drops in energy doesn't help with the things I need to do either.  Yet, it is not only the peace of mind and the energy that have been stolen, but also time.  Time that has been wasted by being made miserable.

It is a frustrating experience, since I am stuck in a state of suspension and wonder, unable to act upon anything or see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am just stuck, in the foggy tunnel, wondering and not able to do anything, as I have been asked to wait and not to get involved.  It is hard for me, because I am concerned about my loved one, yet I have to be patient despite being in the dark.  I cannot release my internal inferno, so for now, I must remain a shadow and fight myself against my own will, so as not to disrupt what has already begun.

A cancer of society, malignant cell has been playing a game, in essence a frog pretending to be a king, if not a messiah -- making it appear so by using pawns as instruments.  Yet it is neither a king nor a messiah, nor is it a frog.  It is even more slippery and conniving, more akin to a snake than a frog.  The snake that is actually Lucifer, extending out an apple as bait.

The apples mean nothing to me.  I can replace such with proper fruits to my loved one.  What keeps eating away at me, is the serpent's venom, which has already extended beyond what it should have.  I worry about my loved one, and the dangers that could be lurking around.  And it breaks my heart to know that she is suffering with the stresses upon her that abound.  When she is affected, I am affected.  I can only pray that she remains safe and healthy, and that my nightmares do not become a reality.

Despite the uncertainty and murkiness of the situation, I do know the serpent's identity, appearance, where it slithers, and even its kin and those close to it.  Given the torment the serpent has afflicted, I would like to and could dismember it, or burn the apple tree all the way down to the roots, and even go after the other mini serpents while I'm at it; but I exercise great restraint and remain patient, as I am held back, so as not to interfere.

However, should any harm be inflicted upon my loved one, or should there be a cry for help, there will be no moment spared.  I will come like a juggernaut, not hesitating to unleash all of what I've been keeping bottled up inside for so long--all of my built up hatred and rage--upon the serpents.  And if I have to, I will use every ounce of my capabilities and resources to see to it that I bring about their demise.

With all the torture they caused, I will not be waiting or relying on a God to serve punishment.  Like a tiger chomping at the bits to be unchained so I can carry out a long-awaited annihilation of my enemy who has tortured me for so long, I will be bringing forth the ghastly hell that they deserve.  May they seek out God's grace, that it doesn't have to reach that point.


Genkuro said...

Keep faith. Never lose hope and always be thankful for what you have.

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