That day may come, but not today. Though I am disheartened by my stumbles, I have not yet completely lost determination in trying to become better in multiple facets of my life. And I always want to be that hero, so know that I bleed to see one I care for hurting when I falter.
Mountains I have climbed recently include Mt. Makiling and Mt. Batulao (and super typhoon Carina arrived that day, causing muddy slopes, rough ocean waters, and flooding that reached indoors almost drowning my dogs).
My habit of diving into the danger zone has come with some close calls, but I have been lucky so far. Others have not been as fortunate. One of the peaks of Mt. Batulao (Diana's Peak) was named after a climber who sadly made a misstep and fell to their death.
I've been focusing on being more careful about my actions. If I disappear, that may or may not make others happy, but I don't want to hurt a loved one because of my mistakes.
My friend Simon migrated to Hawaii last year, and my other friend Orlan was acting "pakipot," "pahabol," or "pabebe." If you don't know what that means, it basically means that despite being reached out to, you act childish and pretend to be uninterested because you want to get chased like a girl.
And Orlan is neither a child nor a girl, but being either one does not really justify the act. If one reaches out once, twice, thrice, then I would hope for reciprocation or at least receptiveness. Mind games just waste time, and before you know it, the time adds up to years being wasted that we can't bring back.
So I had to venture out myself. I tried bringing one of my dogs on one occasion. She reminds me of another dog I miss, her sister Cookie. I thought about carrying her in a backpack while climbing a mountain, but I quickly realized that this was a bad idea, so I took her back home.
She would have stuck with me, as most dogs love their owners unconditionally and so much, that they'll sacrifice themselves and be with you until the end, but my heart does not like to see others suffering.
Time may be slipping away, and taking me and my health with it, but while I still can, I'll try my best to shield others from the sharp edges of my flaws and my Achilles' Heel.
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