Accumulated neglect and torture have driven me towards undisciplined acts in the past. Instead of care for me, they instead focused on friends, idols, travels, mind games, and materials. They either create the lesions or fail to take care of the cracks, so these eventually accumulate and enlarge until things begin to overflow and get out of hand.
I've been blamed in the past for wading into temptation. Thus far, all have been shallow, restrained, and resultantly benign or mild.
But, I am currently enduring a double/simultaneous prolonged abandonment on both sides, with no telling when either one will be returning. And this leaves a very large void.
It doesn't matter if it's Jose Rizal, Manny Pacquiao, Elvis Presley, Bruce Lee, ugly politicians, or the standby at the street corner.
A drought will necessitate water. When there is nothing but emptiness around, a man will naturally seek out stimuli.
A vampire's heart grows cold the longer the deprivation. It still beats and remembers the warmth of yesterday, but as blood runs dry, the hunger deepens for even the slightest drop.
A tiger caged and deprived will eventually grow impatient and frustrated due to innate instincts and unfulfilled needs.
The beast is subdued inside. But if the torture and deprivation last for too long and the restraining shell begins to crack, then what could have been extinguished by just a little care, gradually transforms and explodes into a raging wildfire that seeks out stimuli to fill the abyss.
Periods of stillness magnify the emptiness, and I am not quite sure what to do with myself. Often late at night the darkness creeps inside me, and it bothers my thoughts and drags my spirit down. Sometimes I roam the night streets, questioning myself, and not quite sure where I am headed in life.
On tonight's nocturnal escapade, I passed by some distantly familiar grounds, as well as JRU and San Beda, where the cubs now attend, respectively. They are each going through their own struggles in life, and I can somewhat relate with partial aspects of both situations, because once upon a time I treaded parts of those paths too.
Ultimately though, each of us has a unique journey, but loved ones help each other along the way. The problem is when one gets lost, abandoned, exiled, or when the journey seems to stop.
Deteriorate as you wait for salvation and potentially lose yourself as you descend into madness if it does not arrive? Or take your chances by using what little energy and resources you may have to crawl through the dead of night so that you may possibly find enough blood for sustenance, maintain sanity, and so that you might survive through this indefinite damnation of solitude?
Song 1: Human Nature by Michael Jackson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eizaAIWXAbE
Song 2: Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ltij3KRGbc
Song 3: Alone by the Bee Gees
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUriHrdp544
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