Thank you God, for the never-ending downward spiral of a doomed destiny. 2.5 years ago, Princess Jasmine disappeared. 1 year ago, Ariel disappeared. And then several months ago, you collided me with an icy figure knowing very well that fire and ice don't mix. It could have been anyone else or better yet, no one at all... Yet why did you hand me the cruelest, most bratty, most negligent, most insulting, most insensitive, most disrespectful, most deceptive, most self-centered, most heartless creature on the face of the earth, only to reveal it all too late.
The alley you gave me led to a cave... a cave with some kind of stranger or enemy or serpent, and now only time will tell if there is light at the end of this tunnel. Unfortunately, I cannot undo it, because once I've gone this far, innately my mind is no longer able to backtrack. It will live in this cave of delusions until either Medusa or Rapunzel materializes from this dark icy figure and determines my fate.
We are all dealt a set of cards in life. Strong cards, weak cards, and fatal cards. So if I tolerate or allow you to spit in my face, to disrespect me, to insult me, to neglect me, to deceive me, to make me a slave, to take advantage of me, to abuse me, to hurt me... it's not because I really want that. It's because of that fatal card, and nothing can be done about it.
Not even Princess Jasmine can fix the dire pitfall I managed to get myself into, because the fall down the pit went too long and too deep, and so now the inborn trap is set... it's my mind, and you cannot kill what's in your mind without also killing yourself in the process. That is my fatal flaw, and that is why I hang onto all ropes, fully at the mercy of those who have the power to destroy their respective thread.
Before the fractures and the gradual fall from grace, there was a period when Ariel made me feel like the king of the ocean, Princess Jasmine made me feel like the prince of the sky... and now, I am a robotic slave in a dark cave devoid of all dignity, self-worth, and care. Because I am a pleaser and have attachment issues, if the partner has a stone personality and is not compassionate, then tyranny and abuse will ensue if she takes me far enough into the deep end where there is no turning back.
Now, I die just a little every day as I await my fate in this purgatorial cave, because time does not pause. Quality of life is diminishing as time ticks away, since lifespan is finite. I also have to keep toiling away despite lacking the motivation or luck, obligated to dig for gold because of responsibilities and dependents. Ariel and our beloved merlings all had to swim their own paths, but they depend on me, so I have to somehow keep functioning and digging. I must keep the world spinning for so many, even when my world is dying.
Once upon a time, via my laborious digging, I did chance upon the magic lamp, but I gave it to Princess Jasmine. It can grant six modest material wishes, and she was able to make it flourish. Now she lives high atop her grand palace, and jets around the world on a magic carpet. I smile seeing her soar, and glad she had the best version of me, before I turned into an even more broken monster. I am sorry, I was made this way...
The magic lamp now sits in my bag, glowing in the dark. I am tempted to touch it, so that I can have a golden band-aid or anesthetic to make my remaining days easier and more bearable. We can't bring it with us beyond this life anyway. Yet, I keep hesitating and postponing, and I don't know why...
Maybe because I feel like touching the lamp may cause hurt or disappointment somewhere, and so I feel like if the longer I can endure my desperation, then maybe it will reduce the disappointment I might cause. And thus, I go around in circles inside my cave, peering out for answers that never come, recalling memories of my past lives that can no longer save me, talking to myself and singing to myself like a madman whose sorrows never seem to go away.
Basura
https://drive.google.com/file/d/14eL6USZOoizVQZm0yRi8-yL51-1AHomL/view?usp=sharing
Baliw
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1q3AtvWvccoGx8xFPchD82_PysyGmwvws/view?usp=sharing
Sira Ulo
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LaBL3jyxXDrj4fzxgSJkXZjr3vJLT9mQ/view?usp=sharing
A Whole New World - Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmvT7B3u7II
When a Man Loves a Woman - Michael Bolton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUuNDb-nm5M
Hoodie - Hey Violet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNtIvGrqAZE
Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAB0QImjO-c
Dying Inside To Hold You - Timmy Thomas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1mTu0wIVxk
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