Alchemy

Stabs in the back are painful, and even more, disheartening or even devastating when it is someone you trust who starts to connive with others, against you or for your demise.  A mere insult from others, if liked or agreed upon by the one who matters to you, or perhaps if they should even laugh along with them instead of coming to your defense, is just something that morphs into sharper and more damaging forms of betrayal over time -- "bullets" you never see coming.

Step into the darkness too much or too deep, and you begin to see and encounter things you wish you never realized.  When before it was you and I against the world, they have somehow brainwashed, and it is now you and your world against me.  How quickly snakes and demons disguised as "friends" creep in towards the apple tree, converting a once vibrant and innocent Eve -- poisoning the mind, morphing the appearance, darkening the thoughts, and corrupting the soul -- possibly even into a black widow or praying mantis, devised to turn her against Adam.

In the beginning, it was just us two.  However, over time, the demons sensed the fruits, ripe for the picking.  Encountering and hearing of their existence and encroachment is unavoidable with Eve enchanted by their charms, even idolizing some.  When coaxed to meet Eve's "friends," should I decline, I am deemed boring and not able to get along with others.  And if I accept and go along, jealousy and misinterpretation ensues, further fueled by poisonous plans/thoughts fed by the demon "friends" to cause disruption or destruction.  Sometimes even accusing me of having interest towards the demons, yet somehow having forgotten about the so-called billionaires and scammers that actually dated and tantalized.

So even if I didn't instigate the issue, they make it appear as if I am at fault, when in reality it is all part of their mind games to use me in order to get what they want.  They merely wait for the right opportunity when one is vulnerable, much like when I was recently sick with covid.  Interestingly, that is how they are -- they are opportunistic, like viruses -- so, if you are weak, ill-prepared, or caught off-guard by a punch or bullet that you didn't see coming, then it's going to be an unpleasant surprise.  Thus, with Eve blinded by them, there is no correct path/answer for me -- I am damned if I do, and I am damned if I don't.

Amnesia sets in and she backs them over me, completely forgetting who I am and where we began.  All that we went through and the many years together, trumped by the dazzling yet fleeting demons.  There are moments with glimmers of hope where she snaps out of it and remembers, but like an addiction or hypnotism, she cannot avoid gravitating towards them and allowing their brainwashing to take over.  Yet, sometimes I wonder if it is all the demons' doing, or if they are only releasing something from within Eve that was already there to begin with, causing me to doubt whether I really knew the true Eve at all for all of these years.  But I shake my head, erasing these thoughts, as it is too absurd for me to believe and too sad to consider.

For now, I lean towards the theory that they plant seeds of poison in her head that grow into great walls of a fortress designed for my or perhaps our destruction, and try as I might, I am unable to break through.  In an instant, a decade-long weaving of a colorful tapestry, is turning black from burning by the matches they throw in and that she permits.  It is a daunting force to go against when your Eve sides with the opposition, and it makes you wonder if there is any way to win against such sorcery.

Still, I wish to be a hero to others, if I can.  Unfortunately, time has made burdens heavy over the years, making my body weary.  Work has enchained me to a routine that has clipped my wings.  Despite moral support sometimes lacking, I am a hard-worker and do muster enough energy to take care of responsibilities.  Yet, what I give and what I bleed out, is neither appreciated nor reciprocated, not even in the simplest ways; instead receiving discontentment and deception in return, making the situation discouraging at times.  I guess to give a little love and care, and to embrace instead of torturing and pushing away, is either viewed as a monotonous chore or is unbearable to do.

In fact, snakes and demons -- who either steal to take away what they envy, suck the life out of you, spew negativity, or try to lure you into their realm -- ironically get more praise, affirmation, and affection.  In short, they do nothing good, but they receive Eve's allegiance.  Their world is exciting, so this eclipses me and what good I may have provided or done, which has become taken for granted now since it's become the normal state one has gotten used to -- that boring, same old stuff.

So even if that "boring, same old stuff" provided some good over the years and remained true to commitment, still the grass looks greener where the snakes and demons slither because it's new, exciting, hypnotizing, and filled with convincing yet false promises, captivating yet fake personas, alluring yet shady characters, and mesmerizing yet deceptive worlds.

Boring water allows us to live, but because alcohol is cool and makes you feel good, that makes it enticing.  Only when the alcohol makes you sick and the water is gone, does the realization set in of how important water really is.

But I guess this is to be expected, having been intoxicated by their venom.  Their words of poison are so powerful that their side will always be taken and anything I say falls on deaf ears.  It is no surprise that over time this is causing a gradual transformation of Eve into one of them -- even slowly looking and becoming like them inside and out, to the point that some things are getting more difficult to undo and even a willing savior would either be blocked out by her or would have extreme struggle reversing, as the change should ideally come from oneself or one's own mind.  Unfortunately, lessons learned from the past seem to have been overlooked or wiped from memory, and maturity is not developed enough to stabilize oneself and overcome the negative influences.

Years of cyclical battering, my body has become lethargic, and is no longer responding with the invincible feeling or vigor it once had.  The fire and motivation has waned and the world has left me jaded, having experienced trauma over and over again, like being whipped until numb.  Things that used to be uplifting no longer seem to elicit the same enthusiasm.  Purpose remains a blur, and there is no breeze of relief or wind of inspiration.

The snakes and demons, ever so cunning, are performing their alchemy -- I do not speak to them, but I hear their evil chatter and voodoo chanting in the distance -- and they are wickedly trying to turn my world dark and me into stone.

But even snakes and demons are not invulnerable or immortal.  Their skin will shed and as time passes, their true colors will show and their entrails will reveal themselves, wreaking of rottenness and malice.  Even those hypnotized will eventually awaken from the stench and snap back to reality, if they are not yet too far gone.  However, should they pass the point of no return, they essentially become one of them.  Or, a possibly worse scenario, despite wanting to return to how things were, they get trapped in a netherworld where, because of continually following demons, they've done so much ill-doing or they've done something extremely regrettable, that they are ashamed or too broken to return.

Over the years, I have grown stronger and wiser, better able to handle and mitigate the spells and tactics of the demons.  Before, I used to hurt myself or pay the price to compensate for their wrongdoings, but gradually I realized, and I asked myself why do I have to suffer and endure such pain when it is the demons who, typically out of envy, instigate the issues in order to destroy us, yet the demons get away with it unscathed.  I find that very unfair.

Or perhaps I have become more resilient and immune, but I guess not totally immune since I am here writing this essay now.  My mind is not weak, so they cannot convert me.  However, they are very cunning, and they have many secrets, lies, new tactics, and ways of deception in order to hurt me and burn our tapestry.  And with their tentacles wrapped around Eve, it's definitely an uphill battle.  And with no friends to lean on, as the few that were friends have gone their separate ways and also because I have been mostly tied down to either school, work, or responsibilities for most of my life, I face all of this alone, which is partly the reason of why I have a blog.

Despite it all and the cyclical struggle for me keeping the demons at bay, all is not hopeless, as I am also well aware that their day, too, will come (just as what has already happened to the other demons who have come and gone).  Before, I used to try and compete with the demons, but over time I realized there is no need, because they are like typhoons -- they cause disruption and can do a lot of damage, but if I am able to remain solid, I can weather the storm and, sooner or later, the typhoons will dissipate.

Karma may or may not be true, but Nature is definitely real.  Survival of the fittest (not necessarily being strong, but being apt or suitable to others and your surroundings) or what is known as natural selection, does not permit evilness for long.

What one may get away with now, will eventually catch up to them.  Wolves in sheep's clothing cannot remain undetected forever, so once they cause enough destruction and are revealed, the rotten apples are thrown out, and the snakes decapitated.  Thus, I may lose some battles, but that doesn't necessarily mean the demons will win the war.