One year, what percentage is that of a lifetime? Tack on to that several months per year for the past several years, and what percentage is that? It seems the more apples I gave, the longer the duration of abandonment. Is it a never-ending game? Or are we just waiting for my death? I'll make sure to leave note of my preferred song playlist for the funeral.
I'm a little lost, to be honest. I worked hard for many years to get us apples, so that we may have seeds and nourishment. I peaked with 9 apple trees during the pandemic. By the end of 2022, I was left with 5. Since Trump has regained power, with his recent actions and funding freezes, I am now down to the equivalent of 3 apple trees, plus I have a big tax debt on my shoulders.
My motivation is dwindling. But I've gone from 0 to 9 apple trees in the past, so there is potential for recovery. And I know I can rise and grow again with your wind to uplift me, but I need your moral support in order to make that happen. Apples can always be obtained, but time cannot.
Unlike your 'friends,' I have no ulterior motive. There is nothing for me to gain. I just care, a lot, and I miss you and Cookie. I've tried to reach you with a letter and through these posts. All I can do is wait. I have nothing except these blank checks, which I have not encashed and have so far not touched, because they cannot fill the void. Those apples were meant for our future and Cookie's.
It's easy to blame and point fingers. We've both hurt each other in the past, so no side is innocent or without fault. And sometimes I get really frustrated as to why this happens every year and for so long each time. But whenever I hear songs like these, my heart softens. I forget all the hurt through the years. I remember all the good, and the feelings all come back to life.
Long ago, we could talk to each other without hesitation, without pride getting in the way, without mind games or psychological wars, without fear of showing weakness, because that weakness spoke the truth.
Long ago, it was you and me against the world, but since then, it's turned into you and your world against me.
But that's ok if I am meant to be destroyed. In the end, hindsight will bring clarity to the eyes, all will be realized, and the forgotten element that binds us will prevail.
Song 1: Love Always Finds a Reason by Glenn Medeiros and Elsa Lunghini
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO1Xhm3nXRw
Song 2: After All by Peter Cetera and Cher
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDJLmct8MNA
Song 3: Missing You by John Waite
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ettdev-vMkc
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