I think bad things are approaching. I am usually the savior for others, but this time I think I am the one who is sinking. I'd hope that God might have mercy, but with the way things have been going, the signs are not good.
Without any good luck, direction, or motivation coming my way, I am just breaking even in all aspects, and only barely making it by. I think I and my life seem pretty much useless -- I am lost. And all the while, time is trickling away, yet I don't really know what to do with it.
I guess one thing I've realized, which is perhaps a weakness in my life that has been magnified by the situation, is that when you lack real friends and bonding activities, it exposes a deep sadness in one's life; especially because realistically speaking, my only true friends were really them, even though in scope they are so much more.
Though the bonding gradually decreased as the years went on, at least their presence was still there, for some of the time anyways, just not quite as often or consistent as before. And I guess I didn't notice the emotional disconnect creeping in through the years, because I was so focused on work, since the product of that was something they coveted and pressured me to obtain more of.
But now with all totally gone, I am now essentially alone, since even my cubs now understandably have a world of their own. So I am left having to deal with the monotony of the eat/sleep/work routine in order to keep things afloat, with nothing to balance it out to keep my sanity. Although the cyclical drudgery can drive one crazy, I really have no other responsible choice but to endure it and hope that things will turn out for the better eventually.
That's why I advise to make friends while still young and in school, and to join extracurricular or school activities. As long as the influences are not bad, then making these connections while young will help you with your mental health and in leading a balanced life in the long run. It's harder to make sincere friends as we grow older, since other factors (like money) pollute the genuineness, like one of my so-called "friends" in Ortigas, whose every move has to be funded (thus I rarely talk to him anymore unless it's an emergency).
For loners like me who's become cynical or jaded by life's cruelties and tragedies, who trusts very little due to a past propensity of being taken advantage of, who has lost my childhood friends through migrations and life transitions, and who has been abandoned by all those important to him -- I have no advice, but only empathy and sympathy, because there is no light in the abyss.
Song 1: Lonely is the Night by Air Supply
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oT1WGY0_f8
Song 2: All this Time by Tiffany
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zFe0XICK-0
Song 3: My Love by Lionel Richie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB7-GvXbX9g
Song 4: Gaya ng Dati by Gary Valenciano
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWu4rS_h1CM
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