I must already be in Hell. I keep praying for the return of their simplicity, sincerity, and innocence of the past. But I am not sure how it can be revived.
I am not perfect, but I tried my best to take care of everyone and give everyone a much better life. However, money and spoiling were my fatal mistakes. When there is no more struggle or positive preoccupation, boredom infiltrates, misdeeds become more easily accessible, and manipulative peers along with unsuppressed curiosity ignites the matches one after the other, until wrongdoing and immorality become the new norm.
In the beginning, I had nothing, but it seemed that's when they loved me the most. I did not know that the money and spoiling were poisons that gradually led to sinful deviation, demonic influence, and corruption of the soul. Happiness and contentment morphed into pleasure-seeking, artificial highs, selfish pursuits, greed and envy. Bonding, togetherness, affection, passion, compassion, and emotion slowly fell apart. As corruption dominated, love deteriorated.
Like a cell. Nourish it with just what is needed, and the organism stays healthy and remains harmonious. Over-provide and over-comfort to the point of excess, then the cell veers off course, its selfish and radical tendencies overriding everything else, until it mutates and cancer is born. Unfortunately, if cancer takes too strong of a hold, the balance and harmony is broken, and mass destruction ensues, devouring and killing the beautiful life that once was.
I'm not sure how to fix it. Like immune cells that endure and sacrifice to help rectify cancer, I am trying my best, but I'm not sure what will be the outcome. Many in my shoes would have given up long ago, but I was not born that way. My instinct is to hold on, endure, protect, fix, heal.
I am probably the most determined, persistent, and enduring person I know of. It's programmed inside me. Instinct, like how a lion protects his pride, and how a rooster fights until the end. I can't accept loss, even if it means getting totally mutilated and having the life bleed out of me. Because I am already half-dead inside anyway, with all that has happened in my life.
If those closest to you transform into devils, does that mean you no longer care for them? Once cancer has proliferated, can it still be reversed? Once a cell has morphed, how do I revive the one I once knew? Is it impossible? I'm not sure. But if you all think I am giving up just like that, after so many years of sacrifices and memories, then you are severely mistaken. Because in my memories and in my heart, they are still pristine. And so, I will never stop trying.
Song 1: Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3RklAt88xM
Song 2: Calling Your Name Again by Richard Carpenter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnzN52Zo23s
Song 3: Changes in My Life by Jed Madela
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlQgYlPNGNc
Song 4: All at Once by Whitney Houston
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jBn7BJyjLY
Song 5: Here I Am by Air Supply
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16br6nUR1S4
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